Lately, I feel a tug on my heart - one I haven't felt in quite awhile; a small whisper, that politely, yet at the exact same time, so uncomfortably reminds me of one word - evangelist.
You may or may not know that I, as a small child, received a calling to be an "evangelist", by that same small whisper - asking me how many dots were on the carpet my face was pressed against during an altar call. I responded with "I have no idea - a lot". The whisper responded, "That's how many people you will reach."
At the time I was ecstatic - God called me.
But now - what the heck.
What do I do with that?
What even is an evangelist at its best - what are they supposed to do if they are doing their job right?
my first thought this afternoon was - "if an evangelist is Johannes, I don't want to be an evangelist" - they have to heal people and travel to other countries and extremely scary stuff.
I'm scared out of my mind.
I don't know what to think.
Part of me says, "Church planting is a form of evangelism"
But the voice seems to say, "That's not the form I called you to"
I don't know what to think (I think I said that already).
I feel so uncertain. I hate uncertainty.
the voice knows that.
I feel uneasy and out of control and every fiber of my being screams out in frustration and agony, "I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL!"
just let go, right? ugh.
I even hesitate to post this - it releases the thought from just my brain into the public. scary stuff.
I always had the unusual ability to be good at the majority of what I set my mind to; the assumption coming from that being, "you can pick anything and do it for God, and you will succeed and be doing God's will"
now I'm not so sure.
I hate being unsure.
little voice - why must you know the innermost desires and fears of my soul?
I know we had this conversation already.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know that aside from my individual calling to love people, especially children, YOU are my calling. I know that I'm called to love and support you in everything, and to help you where I can along the way. As a couple, you are the spiritual head, I trust your judgment fully, and I will follow you to the ends of the earth in something that I know the Lord has called us to. Whether you or I or both of us are scared out of our minds, we can do all things through Christ. And I'm here to help, however I can.
I am so freaking proud of you, and I don't doubt for one second that God speaks through you, and that you are fully capable of hearing his voice clearly, communicating it effectively, and following it with dedication. I love you.
Dude. I think you're right. It's uncertainty that drives us crazy. God loves that. If you're driven crazy, you work so hard. That's your personality.
ReplyDeleteI'm not called to be an evangelist - that's why.
If I'm uncomfortable, I make myself comfortable by being lazy and say "God, take care of it." You do it by saying "God will work on my behalf" - a much healthier viewpoint.
Anyway, you work hard. God's going to use you for that. Go Jordan.
Oh, and you'd go further than Johannes if you did it. You're so unhappy with inproductivity, and you're starting younger.
jordan (rinaldo) britton, i'm so proud of you! god has an amazing plan for you! don't be scared. he's got you completely covered.
ReplyDeleteyou're his master piece and no artist leaves there life's work unfinished :)
you've got this, boyyyyy!
dude i love this! Thank the Lord for the people with honest blogs and honest approach in their journey with Jesus.
ReplyDeleteDo not get so wrapped up in the details of your call as long as you are open like this and willing to step out those things will come together. I honestly can see you as either an evangelist or church planter.
And to use a Pauline parentheses when I say this (me not God that is) I could totally see you using your musical talents and relational skills to bring people to a place to follow Jesus.
You don't have to be like Johannes or like a "healing" evangelist or a "loud and in your face, come to the alter in 3 seconds" evangelist.
Be you, God made you for a reason and purpose.
I think this generation is ready for a different kind of evangelist...someone like you.
(praying for you bud)
This is completely what I have been going through Jordan! Uncertainty of the future, am I preparing for the right thing, am I talking myself out of the right thing? Be careful not to settle when it comes to your calling, I mean the whole point of being used is that you could never EVER do what you are going to do on your own. That is the scariest thing for me personally, not being able because I have so many abilities. But remember church planting is a huge part of evangelism but not all of it, look at Paul. He preached, thousands were saved, churches were started, he discipled, and then he left and kept in correspondence. Don't allow yourself to settle for anything less than what He is calling you to do. Grab apart of everything God is calling you to be. And if that voice in bothering you it may be the time to reevaluate your vision to realign with His. I hope this helped!
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